This was going to have a much shorter title, but I didn’t want to put people off. Did you know that turducken patties are a thing? You remember the chicken-inside a duck-inside a turkey fad on the food channels of a year of so ago? It seems that Echelon Foods (possibly a subsidiary of NSA) produces Gourmet Turducken Patties with Italian sausage meatlike substances. Reading the ingredient list requires special training in parsing sentence structure. It starts off with turkey thigh, chicken breast (so far, so good), Italian-style sausage (sub-list of sausage components, including pork and bread crumbs [sub-sub-list of bread crumb components ] ), duck breast, salt (so there’s more duck breast than salt), etc. Not at all encouraging. MJ bought them on a whim. I wouldn’t have bought them on a dare.

So, we cooked them. They are palm-sized, and half an inch thick. The meat was dense, like chicken patties, but the flavor was, well, lacking. What little there was made one think of Italian sausage.  MJ said she could detect chicken. We ate one apiece, and decided that it was much like dwarf-bread — it sustains the traveler on long journeys because after one or two bites you realize you weren’t as hungry as you thought you were. What to do with the remaining four? How about making broth in the electric pressure cooker? The result was uninspiring — tasted a lot like vegetable broth, only without the pizzaz. Certainly wouldn’t want to make soup with it*, so I used some of it for oatmeal the next morning.

Setup: 1/3 cup of stone ground rolled oats, two dinner teaspoons of potato flakes, one cup of turduckensausagebroth, salt.  Cook for 10 minutes or so, depending on the exact style of oats.  Add the potato when you take it off the stove.

Results: Meh. Like vegetable broth, it needs a lot of help in the condiments department to make it taste good. Our dogs thought the remnant pattichunks made the best training treats ever.

Rating: *****

*OK, so I did make soup with it, the next night when I was on my onlies. Two cups of broth and a package of noodles. Salt. A measuring teaspoon of white miso. Heat and taste and…add another teaspoon of miso. Stir and heat and…add a third teaspoon. Result was not inedible. Well, I finished the noodles. Could have used more miso.


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