TL:DR — Anime I never finished, Fall 2016

It’s always a relief when I can clear my calendar early. The first week isn’t over, and already I’ve dropped four anime, and two whole categories! The first thing to go is, Time Travel!!

Touken Ranbu.
Remember that show with girls who were the embodiment of boats? The one that all the boys loved? Let’s do one for the girls! We can have boys, who are the embodiment of … of … swords! And nobody will know it’s a ripoff, because we’ll have them fight to preserve history, not to avoid it! That’ll fool ’em! And we can have thousands of bishies, because there were thousands of swords.

And there's seven more, even cuter!

And there’s seven more, even cuter!

It will make for a complex anime, but we can start with an eleven minute expository dump, and have them clean off in the bath afterwards.

Your purification ritual lacks dignity

Your purification ritual lacks dignity
(and your towel is much bigger than necessary)

And since all that the girls really want is good artwork of cute boys, we don’t have to spend money to make exciting action scenes, just lots of closeups.  And these swordboys will have a leader, who you will never see, so that every girl can pretend it’s her. And, here’s the best part — we can call it SwordColle!

We can’t?

Time Bokan 24
You know, I’m thinking that time travel might be the Next Big Thing, now that little sisters have had their run. Remember last season, where that girl went around propositioning various great names from history? Suppose we get ahead of the pack and do another one for kids. We can make it the usual [insert name here] schoolboy, who is one of the few who can survive a time leap, because time means nothing to him, just look at his tardy record!

Another high impact moment

Another high impact moment

And then we’ll have an evil publisher trying to keep the time travellers from finding out what the real history was, so they don’t have to rewrite the history books, and issue new editions, and make everyone throw the old ones away and buy the new ones, and thus have a perpetual income stream. No…wait.  Well, they’re just kids, they’ll never notice.

And nobody else will even think of doing a time travel anime this season!


The second category to drop is another duo, all about Survival Games.

Bloodivores
So, here’s the high concept: it’s a cross between Deadman Wonderland and Blood C, only it’s four vampires (mutated virus vampires, the other kind are so 19th Century), in a prison full of monsters. We’ll hoke up some reason for them to be in there — betrayed by a parent in the government maybe. We won’t need a lot of logic in the first episode. The government can tag everyone with the vampire virus (with flashing dog collars), but they can’t quarantine them, or find a cure, or a way to suppress an attack of vorishness. And when they’re on a bank heist, their masks can be plain sunglasses.

Our stylish Oafly-Stump sunglasses come in transparent, eyeshade, and opaque.

Our stylish Oafly-Stump sunglasses come in transparent, eyeshade, and opaque.

I know it’s stupid, but later on we’ll have lots of big insect monsters (ignore the mass square laws) and vamp on vamp action, so no-one will notice.

Magical Girl Raising Project

OK, I know the How to Raise a Boring Girlfriend project was not well received, even though some people liked it. But that doesn’t mean we can’t reuse the name. This will be infinitely better. Squeaky-voiced middle school females (and one secret gender-bender!) get recruited as Magical Girls, and then (due to budget cuts, or something), they get told they have to have a 50% RIF.

Good evening! Which four of you will I have to kill before the season ends?

Good evening! Which four of you will I have to kill before the season ends?

And since Magical Girlhood is an organization you can’t resign from, because they don’t exist, the only way out is feet first. That’s a lot of feet.

The kids will just love this one!

The kids will just love this one!

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